New York drivers are something special

I have learned many things about New York City in the six months we have lived here. One such thing is that New York drivers love using that car horn. Anyone who has spent time in NYC will know that the traffic is very noisy and that drivers here are an impatient bunch. If you are driving and find yourself stopped at a light, if you are not away the split second the light turns green you are guaranteed to hear an obnoxious cacophony rising up behind you. Not sure why NYC traffic lack the decorum of drivers in any other cities I have been to, maybe it is because...I can't even come up with anything funny here. (cont)

Side note - just watching the dog dreaming and its very cute to see him twitching and snorting

(cont) I know we are in a fast paced city full of movers and shakers but just leave ten minutes earlier that way you wont have to be so impatient.

I have seen people honking in ridiculous situations. I have seen people honk when they can clearly see up the street to where traffic is gridlocked. Where are people to go? The average car horn is not empowered with Moses' talents to part obstacles. The line of cars are not magically going to part by you making some noise to tell everyone else stuck in the same jam of your inability to wait.

But yesterday I saw honking in the most ridiculous of situations. Walking down 9th Avenue to my improv practice I heard that familiar sound of annoyed vehicular operators and turned to look at the inevitable clusterfuck. And what did I see? A fire engine! Not a fire engine out for a Wednesday night cruise but one that was responding to an emergency call! The guys were disconnecting their hoses from the water supply in the middle of the street and people were honking them. I guess the post-911 respect for the FDNY has expired and now they merely get treated like the rest of us proles.

Is the plural of nemesis nemesises or nemisi?

It turns out to be nemeses, I am sure one of those bright spelling bee kids would have told me. Any way I ask because currently the dog, Thomas Jefferson, is being tormented by his nemeses, the two squirrels that run around the rooftop of the house next door and on our window ledges.

I have no doubt that they know what they are doing, you can see it in their eyes (squirrels are not 24/7 for nuts like most people think). They like to sit as near to our windows as they can get and stare in as Tommy looks back and it drives him wild. I am not sure he would know what to do with a squirrel should he catch one but boy does he want the chance. He becomes quite mesmerized by their squirelly antics and it really gets him excited. One time Tommy actually leapt at an open window to get at one and had it not been for the screen on the window he would have got quite a surprise falling from a third story window.

Tommy actually got so excited he just left me a little present in his litter tray, that is right he is house trained (now if only we could train him to flush it). But know he is back to spying on his mortal enemies who I suspect are planning an attack on the apartment, an attack which I hope Tommy will protect us from. Squirrels may be bat shit crazy but Thomas Jefferson can mix it up when he needs to.

I gots to be bloggin'

This is a blog of statements and questions. Lets get this shit moving:

1. Why are the most popular TV shows filled with the most obnoxious characters? Speaking of obnoxious why are these The Real Housewives Of... shows even on? Why do you want to watch a group of cunchs behaving like twats, they never seem to even get on with one another!

2. Why is it after investing days/weeks/months reading a book does the last page really drag?

3. What percentage of the free peppers you get in a Papa John's pizza get eaten?

4. I have my improv class graduation show on Saturday and I don't even feel nervous.

5. Time travels slowest when sitting on a plane after it has landed but before it docks for disembarking.

6. A 147 in snooker is the most skilled sporting escapade. There is little to no room for error for 36 consecutive shots, on a 12 foot table!

7. My two favourite songs of 2007 were Ruby by The Kaiser Chiefs and Umbrella by Rihanna.

8. Are tramps people who really just like camping? And I am guessing they are smart because they live in cities which are on average 2 to 3 degrees warmer than rural areas.

9. Finding stuff to blog about is tough (as can be seen from today's effort).

10. I would like to try skiing/snowboarding.

11. The place in the world I would most like to go is Machu Picchu or it might be the temperate rainforests in Washington (I can't decide).

12. I find swearing funny but comedy that doesn't resort to it is possibly more rewarding.

These are my pearls for the moment...not those kind of pearls you dirty bastard!

Twittering my nuts off!

So I have discovered Twitter (ollywade if you are interested) and it takes commitment. Although unlike blogging what you post is like a mental belch, at 140 characters you can't write War and Peace like I feel the need to do with a blog. You just fire out whatever you are thinking at the time, and if what you are thinking is a load of rubbish it doesn't matter because sooner or later you feel the need to tweet about something else.

I like it, I like the canvas it allows me. I always think of things that amuse me as I go about the world and with Twitter I no longer have to keep those things to myself. Everyone else can now listen. So now I just have the pressure to be witty and whimsical, I don't want to disappoint myself. Also it allows me the opportunity to listen in on the thoughts of the famous to which I have attached myself by the umbilical chord of Twitter.

This has turned out to be quite a short post so I shall now list some words that entertain me:

Gubernatorial, realm, plunge, malady, plinth, quench, fumble, viking, bilge, satchel.

There are also words that I do not enjoy with such vigor but I will not be publishing those as my enemies could use them against me.

As gay as bunting

I have just been reading on the BBC news site about the Miss USA competition that just ran this past weekend. Apparently Miss California came in second because she opposes gay marriage. Here is a sample from the Beeb's story:

During the televised event, Carrie Prejean - Miss California - said she believed that "a marriage should be between a man and a woman".

She had been asked for her views on the subject by one of the judges, celebrity blogger Perez Hilton.

"We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage," said Ms Prejean, in a section of the show that has become a popular clip on YouTube.

"I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman," she continued.

"No offence to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

The remarks drew a mixture of booing and applause from the audience.

Now I am a supporter of gay marriage because I don't believe that anyone deserves fewer rights than myself and I find it abhorrent that one section of society believes that they can keep something from another section of society. However I also feel that someone has a right to an opinion, regardless of its ignorance, particularly one that is so prevalent. It is not like she admitted to murder being her favorite hobby or did some goose stepping during the talent portion of the show. Her opinion is wrong but so are many others. The question was asked (by Perez Hilton I might add, which I am sure is not his real name) and the Miss gave a truthful answer. I hope that this wasn't the entire reason for her losing the competition. And since when do we look to the Misses of American States to be the voices of reason, they aren't handing out Nobel prizes to these girls they are basically ranking them in order of attractiveness. I think Miss California's worst crime was not knowing her audience (I assume the auditorium was jammed with queens). I can only assume that Miss North Carolina (the recipient of the winning crown) did a better job of hiding any bigotry that she may or may not have*.

* I in no way endorse Miss North Carolina's possible bigotry.

Movie related things that annoy/excite me

I love the movies and I hate it when they are treated like a red headed step child.

1. Censorship is something that I appreciate but it sure can get my goat. If you are a cable channel showing Total Recall at 1:00 pm on a Saturday afternoon what are you thinking!?! My memory of Total Recall is that it lasts longer than 20 minutes. If I remember correctly there is a lot of blood and a woman with three boobs. Cutting a movie to fit a time slot is bad enough but cutting for content is wrong. R rated movies are clearly not appropriate for showing in the afternoon so don't. Show them late at night so they can be appreciated the way they were made. At 1:00 pm show a good kids film, there are plenty and these don't need to be butchered like a rack of lamb.

2. An extension of point 1 is movies that are made for a rating that is not in keeping with the canon to which the film is being added. Two cases in point are Die Hard 4 and Alien vs Predator. Both were made and released as PG-13 with the only reason being money. 10 year olds shouldn't be allowed to see these movies, they should have to wait till their mid-teens to enjoy these flicks like I did. You have to earn it. These are the movies that you spend your formative years wanting to see but that your mum wont let you. Then one day a friend brings out his older brother's copy and your horizons are broadened exponentially.

3. Movies made and released based entirely on a fortuitous date. The Omen was remade in 2005 so that it could be released on 6/6/06. Friday the 13th was just released on Christmas Day (no of course not, it was released 2/13/09). A relevant date is not a reason to make a movie! Please tell me that there is some originality left in Hollywood. Remakes should only be allowed if the original had a great concept but was poorly done or if you are completely revisioning the film. Merely rehashing the original does not count and Hollywood must be stopped! I don't think it can be though, its like Amy Winehouse at an all-you-can-shoot up buffet.

This whole blog has been a bit rant so here is something I love about movies. I love the little notes that come under the ratings (like Drug Use, Violence on a R rated movie). But they can be much more interesting than my examples. I remember seeing a kids movie poster that mentioned that the film contained mild peril. Genius!

This makes no sense right?

I was riding on the bus the other day, into Manhattan, and I happened to look up at the ceiling. My eyes laid on to an advert which read, "Yes there is a quicker way.", was espousing the quickness of the New York ferry, a rival mode of transport to the bus. I know economic times are tough but accepting advertising revenue from a major rival? That makes no sense to me.

It reminds me of times when I have been listening to the radio and the presenter decides to tell the listenership what is on TV that night! Why? Television, since its invention, has murdered radio so why help them? Its like if someone shot you and whilst you are bleeding out you took the gun and pistol whipped yourself to death. I don't understand this. Am I missing something? Restaurants seem to agree with me because when you go to McDonald's they don't read you the specials at Red Lobster!