A questionnaire

Back in London when I worked at MPSGI me and a colleague used to ask each other questions, via e-mail, to make the days go quicker. This was 2006 and now I fancy answering my own questions:

1. Northampton or Southampton? - I have been to neither, well I drove through Northampton once. I am going for Northampton as it contains the word North and I am from the North of England. Although I am sure Southampton is actually nicer than its northern equivalent.
2. Have you ever growled at anyone in public? - No but I wish I could say yes. Maybe I will do that next time someone gets in my way.
3. Would you rather win a Grammy or an Oscar? - I'm a movie fan who likes to act a bit so I would want to grab a golden statue. Plus I can't play music so a Grammy is out of the question, unless they give them out for Guitar Hero (even then I struggle on Medium difficulty).
4. Coco-pops or Frosties? - A tough one this. I never feel Coco-pops are that chocolaty so I will say Frosties. Maybe I should try mixing both but the result would most likely be a diabetic coma.
5. Favourite European Capital City other than London? - Paris, or Gay Paris, or the smelly capital of France. Bec and I love this place and I would like to live there one day. I should never have given up French at 13 to study German. Merde!
6. Who invented the lift? - Mr Otis. He was from Chicago, his name can be seen in many of the world's lifts (or elevators) as Otis is a leading purveyor of human lifting systems.
7. In a post-apocalyptic world you are a member of a motley crew of misfits trying to save the world against…zombies, vampires, aliens or walking plants? Zombies because a true zombie can be outrun (rage victims are not strictly zombies). Vampires fly after you and bite you, aliens probe you and walking plants make you blind.
8. Do you believe the Great Wall of China can be seen from space? - People always say that it can be but it can't as it is too thin. Seeing it from space would be like looking at a piece of string from the top of The Empire State Building (this is an unproven ratio that I have just made up so please don't quote me).
9. Morecombe and Wise or Two Ronnies? - Two classic British comedy duos from the 70s and on. Hard to choose, the edge goes to Morecombe and Wise.
10. In the movie of your life who plays you? - I like this question that I created myself. It would have to be someone who has acting chops but who can also bring the funny. Maybe Sam Rockwell or Steve Carrell would be good. I hope my life story would be full of mirth.
11. Do you say pro-ven or pru-ven? - Proven should be said pru-ven not pro-ven! This is one of life's imperative lessons. It really pigs me off when people say pro-ven.
12. Would sterilization work as a deterrent to anti-social behaviour? - Fo shiz! It would certainly help we just have not had the leaders to stand behind such a radical program that clearly breaks every human right code in the Big Book of Human Rights. But come one we have all walked past people on the street, either with manky children in tow or who you can tell will produce manky progeny, and thought to ourselves "If only I had Superman's heat vision I could fix them right now".
13. Favourite planet? - Uranus for comedy value but I have always had a soft spot for Neptune.
14. Favourite element on the periodic table - A tough one indeed. Argon has its perks as does Bismuth. I like the elements near the end with stupid names like Americium or Dysprosium. I pass on this question, its like being asked which of your kids you like best.
15. Did you ever buy a poster from Athena? If so which one? - I am sure I did but it wasn't the lady tennis player scratching her arse. Or any of those magic eye pictures to which people would always say "Oh yes I see the dolphin" to wit I say "There was no dolphin". You only way you were seeing a dolphin was if you were on LSD.
16. Favourite Simpson character who isn’t a Simpson? - Good question Olly, why there are so many...I would have to say...I will give a top 3 (in no particular order) Prof. Frink, Chief Wiggum and Lenny.
17. Continent Excluding Antarctica you would least like to visit? - Probably Africa, at least Asia has Japan.
18. Worst movie seen at the cinema? - Wild Wild West was horrid but even worse was Hurlyburly, a David Mamet play. A film with a superb cast but completely wasted on bilge.
19. Oxford or Cambridge? - Oxford, we lived there and I have never been to Cambridge.
20. Do holiday snaps have to have the tourist in them? - No they do not! I believe you went to the Taj Mahal because you are showing me a picture taken there, you don't have to stand there pretending to lean on it when in fact you are 200 metres away. I don't believe that you would have made up a story about being there and found any old picture to use as evidence.
21. You have to make a sequel to a film, what do you sequelise? - Another Princess Bride would be a riot but the death of Andre the Giant leaves a big hole, literally! If not that then maybe Remains of the Day 2!!!
22. Who would be your wresting alter-ego? - The Vanishing Coward! See him duck, see him evade, see him run out of the ring.
23. I neither like the name flip-flop or the flip-flop itself. Is there something which you do like but hate the name of or vice-versa? - Tiffin, a British cake is lovely but the saying of its name is like nails down a chalkboard.

74%. Yes a C!